Just keep TRUCKIN’ On (or the fight of my life for my life last night)



The photo shoot of the wedding went well until I realized half way through that I was doing it on the eve of when my late husband, Terry died. I held myself together until I got out to the car and lost it on a a close friend that has know both Terry and I since 1973. I cried until my eyes were red and puffy, went through the emotions of emptiness, loneliness, futility and suicide, She drove around with me for a couple of hours until we wound up at a Taco Bell and I decided I had a case of the munchies.

I fought with the CPAP I just got. Not just wearing it during the night (I ripped it off my face three different times), but the decision to wear it at all, thinking it might be easier to just surrender to the laws of nature and take a nice long dirt nap. I fought with memories and the thoughts of past friend, family, and lovers. I considered O.D.ing, but didn’t.

After waking up at 11:00 am, I  amaze myself that in the past year I have been usedin my  lonesome I thought would be a companion, trying to commit me twice, stealing from me and making me homeless through lies and gas-lighting .I am strong struggling through a very demanding work schedule everyday, most days without help and alone. No car, no residence of my own, getting older (I dare any teen twenty something to deal with that issue!) and trying to reinvent my life and regain my artist self, poet self, and hippie self all at the same time. My self worth.

Despite my gregariousness and extrovert behavior, I am a very private person. If i love, it is with all I have. If I trust you and let you into my world, know that you are a very special individual.  I will no longer tolerate being used, neglected, or abused. My time is precious.  Twenty years goes by in a flash.

I am a young, sexy, 17 year old within a 60 year old body that isn’t all that bad looking for my age, despite the ravages I have gone through. I have scars inside and out and I wear them with honor. I don’t have time for wasted emotions or trivialities. I am an old soul with one helluva lot to give, to see, to experience.  My heart is as big and beautiful, wild and turbulent as the sea.

I know somewhere out there is still another love to be my friend, companion, and lover. A goofy combination of Terry and Captain Trips; an adventurer, wandering gypsy, hippy, artist, confessor. best friend.  I will write,  I will travel. I will create. I will live. It ain’t over folks. Far freaking from it. It all begins anew right now and on my own terms.

© Copyright .2018 Louise Ann Marie Stowell  All Rights Reserved

Photography courtesy of Pixabay


It Only Lasted a Minute

pocket-watch-3156771_1280I’ve seen a phrase again today that I really loath…”It only lasted a minute…or five minutes.'” Why is it that because something (whether it be an experience or relationship) isn’t around for decades, it is demoted as something that only lasted a minute, therefore, meaningless…trivialized? Quite often the tiniest moments can and are life changing or life saving. I think it safe to say that people need to think carefully before dismissing these things as being frivolous until they have experienced the miracles themselves. These trivialities…mere minutes, may well have saved someone’s life or have been the best few years of another.

©2018 Louise Ann Stowell   All Rights Reserved

Photo by Pixabay



Trying to tell you

that I don’t care about

your physical state as

an obstacle to us

don’t care about your material objects

or who you once were

that new dreams can be made

new adventures achieved

That I love you till every fiber of my being

aches with concern, care, the longing to ease

the suffering I see

Trying to tell you

I see an angel in that hospital gown

a halo surrounding a head of silver hair

floating bright glass floss

sparkling as a Christmas angel’s locks

that would I would sell my soul to touch

have that head lay into my palm

and rub your temples

ease your mind

stay with you through all the pain

and the uncertainties

Soothe the broken wings

and  have you allow me to simply love you the way you are

If only I knew how to reach you

and make you believe


© 2018 Louise Ann Stowell – All Rights Reserved

Pictures courtesy of Pixabay


powder keg

Walking out

away from the drama

I do not care

do not care if you don’t understand mechanics

or physics

don’t care if you don’t want to listen

to someone trying to tell you

the powder keg

will blow

ill kempt

the keg is leaking

and all it needs is a spark


Walking away from the disfunction

that the world sees anyway

knows it’s there

but is curious to see for how long

it will last

Walking away from the ills and bills and bullshit

refusing to walk through the crap anymore

Still I am the fool for noticing

but I’ll keep my mouth shut

collect the paycheck



Something sparkles

noticing the feeble thread of powder burn

to its destination

and I walk away

Doesn’t matter

Don’t care


©2018 Louise Ann Stowell  – All Rights Reserved

Photo courtesy of Pixabay





ledge - poem - sutro

Crumbling with every draw

the ocean pounds the shore

taking little bits of iron, mortar, glass

robbing the past in the present

thoughts pounding in my head

dragging away blood, bone, futures, love

waiting on my staircase above

both hopeful and hopeless

for the final breach

knowing I belong

in this forbidden space

dangerous from age

perilous from the elements

my once hidden aerie

now slowly being nibbled away

like my heart

I have no power over the ruin of either

no more than I have power

over time, the sea, or you love

Lifting up my wings with the gulls

I sail over Sutro

to land in peace in the sea


© 2018 Louise Ann Stowell – All Rights Reserved.






Please Silence My Mind


She is working through it

a mental scrap book no one will see

collecting bits and pieces of her lives…past lovers…past holidays

wrapped in foiled papers and bows

years of giving and smiles

boxes of Christmas ornaments lying dormant

in a storage shed

No tree for them

No apartment or home

No time for Thanksgiving

But Halloween stayed on

she is living with ghosts

that will not be exorcised

replaying scenes or screwups decades old


bipolar butterfly

waiting for the Klonopin

to make the final transformation


© 2017 Louise Ann Stowell All Rights Reserved



Storm Drifted


This wild storm tonight won’t allow me to sleep. I have tossed and turned..a small boat on the sea. Thoughts colliding and crashing into stone cliffs tearing at my slumber. I drift aimlessly in the wind; rudderless. Searching for the safe haven of arms that will hold me in the dark night and guide me peacefully into shore.


©2017 Louise Ann Stowell  All Rights Reserved

Picture courtesy of Pixabay

The Stranger Beast

Lion tamer


No  something more

hard edged

biting that went beyond

a dry amusement

the stranger trotted out details of my life

in a circus act fashion

making sure the exciting bits

were painful

each bite taken

precise and deliberate

I had no choice but to whip

the little man with my own tongue lashing

getting the conversation under my control

well beaten and skulking back to his own cage

to lick his wounds

while I walked away

the victor.

©2017 Louise Ann Stowell All Rights Reserved

Photo is from  a piece of Victorian scrap





The sky had that taste and smell of snow

as it gets this close to Thanksgiving

Walking the trail at Mud Lake

there were few fisherman now

Only the rustle and hiss

of the wind through the cattails

Overhead the familiar que of a V began to emerge

as one goose after another joined its mate in the air

the reeds shuttering and shaking in their take off

 snow began to fall lightly

as if by their command

as they squeaked and honked passing overhead

Another year has fled with them

©2017 Louise Ann Stowell All Rights Reserved

Photo courtesy of Pixabay