Communion

Communion in blue

Burning incense and candles

silent prayers

for your soul

as the tears fall and I kneel

tasting the wine of so many communions

so very long ago

clinging to the past we shared

that dissolves like Christ’s body in my mouth

your memory is still

sacred in the shrine of my heart.

Copyright 2018  LAS All Rights Reserved

Photograph courtesy of Pixabay

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The Satisfaction of Knowing

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I awoke

to his cigarette smoke

wafting misty through the room

A cloud lingering

as incense over the still warm bed

the only sign left

that he had come once again

Tillie sits silent

smiling at the whispers of

the mermaids tales

in her ear

He had come stealing

her heart again

silent

ghostly

loving her in a  ferocity

only they knew

to be theirs

nothing contrived

or false

The symphony

still roars in her ears

as she catches his scent on her skin

No tears

The emptiness gone

in the far cry of a train in the distance

as unbroken as the rings

given in secret

decades ago

a silver circle

infinitely spirals

in Venus morning shining

A certainty

knowing

He is still hers alone

the thread of death

a mere illusion

 

©2018 LAS All Rights Reserved

 

The Dream (or The Search for Family History)

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the pages

fall

piles on

a kitchen counter that’s long gone

2 stacks

mine before me

waiting to be bound

you on my right

nights of sorting through yellowed papers

moistened fingers peel back

the layers of pages

an infinite task

to find a lost soul

ready to take their place

in the line of history

that will be us

as the dream

repeats

patterns in sand

ripples in water

bouncing back

waking me

alone

to accept the work at hand

 

©2018 Louise Ann Stowell All Rights Reserved

Photo courtesy of Pixabay

 

 

Just keep TRUCKIN’ On (or the fight of my life for my life last night)

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The photo shoot of the wedding went well until I realized half way through that I was doing it on the eve of when my late husband, Terry died. I held myself together until I got out to the car and lost it on a a close friend that has know both Terry and I since 1973. I cried until my eyes were red and puffy, went through the emotions of emptiness, loneliness, futility and suicide, She drove around with me for a couple of hours until we wound up at a Taco Bell and I decided I had a case of the munchies.

I fought with the CPAP I just got. Not just wearing it during the night (I ripped it off my face three different times), but the decision to wear it at all, thinking it might be easier to just surrender to the laws of nature and take a nice long dirt nap. I fought with memories and the thoughts of past friend, family, and lovers. I considered O.D.ing, but didn’t.

Despite my gregariousness and extrovert behavior, I am a very private person. If I love, it is with all I have. If I trust you and let you into my world, know that you are a very special individual.  I will no longer tolerate being used, neglected, or abused. My time is precious.  Twenty years goes by in a flash.

I am a young, sexy, 17 year old within a 60 year old body that isn’t all that bad looking for my age, despite the ravages I have gone through. I have scars inside and out and I wear them with honor. I don’t have time for wasted emotions or trivialities. I am an old soul with one helluva lot to give, to see, to experience.  My heart is as big and beautiful, wild and turbulent as the sea.

I know somewhere is out there on the other side is my  love, my friend, companion, and lover: an adventurer, wandering gypsy, hippy, artist, confessor. best friend.  I will write,  I will travel. I will create. I will live. It ain’t over folks. Far freaking from it. It all begins anew right now and on my own terms.

© Copyright .2018 Louise Ann Marie Stowell  All Rights Reserved

Photography courtesy of Pixabay

How?

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Trying to tell you

that I don’t care about

your physical state as

an obstacle to us

don’t care about your material objects

or who you once were

that new dreams can be made

new adventures achieved

That I love you till every fiber of my being

aches with concern, care, the longing to ease

the suffering I see

Trying to tell you

I see an angel in that hospital gown

a halo surrounding a head of silver hair

floating bright glass floss

sparkling as a Christmas angel’s locks

that would I would sell my soul to touch

have that head lay into my palm

and rub your temples

ease your mind

stay with you through all the pain

and the uncertainties

Soothe the broken wings

and  have you allow me to simply love you the way you are

If only I knew how to reach you

and make you believe

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© 2018 Louise Ann Stowell – All Rights Reserved

Pictures courtesy of Pixabay

Danger

powder keg

Walking out

away from the drama

I do not care

do not care if you don’t understand mechanics

or physics

don’t care if you don’t want to listen

to someone trying to tell you

the powder keg

will blow

ill kempt

the keg is leaking

and all it needs is a spark

 

Walking away from the disfunction

that the world sees anyway

knows it’s there

but is curious to see for how long

it will last

Walking away from the ills and bills and bullshit

refusing to walk through the crap anymore

Still I am the fool for noticing

but I’ll keep my mouth shut

collect the paycheck

 

 

Something sparkles

noticing the feeble thread of powder burn

to its destination

and I walk away

Doesn’t matter

Don’t care

 

©2018 Louise Ann Stowell  – All Rights Reserved

Photo courtesy of Pixabay

 

 

 

Sutro

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Crumbling with every draw

the ocean pounds the shore

taking little bits of iron, mortar, glass

robbing the past in the present

thoughts pounding in my head

dragging away blood, bone, futures, love

waiting on my staircase above

both hopeful and hopeless

for the final breach

knowing I belong

in this forbidden space

dangerous from age

perilous from the elements

my once hidden aerie

now slowly being nibbled away

like my heart

I have no power over the ruin of either

no more than I have power

over time, the sea, or your love

Lifting up my wings with the gulls

I sail over Sutro

to land in peace in the sea

 

© 2018 Louise Ann Stowell – All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

Please Silence My Mind

Transformation

She is working through it

a mental scrap book no one will see

collecting bits and pieces of her lives…past lovers…past holidays

wrapped in foiled papers and bows

years of giving and smiles

boxes of Christmas ornaments lying dormant

in a storage shed

No tree for them

No apartment or home

No time for Thanksgiving

But Halloween stayed on

she is living with ghosts

that will not be exorcised

replaying scenes or screwups decades old

alone

bipolar butterfly

waiting for the Klonopin

to make the final transformation

 

© 2017 Louise Ann Stowell All Rights Reserved

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/transformation/

 

Storm Drifted

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This wild storm tonight won’t allow me to sleep. I have tossed and turned..a small boat on the sea. Thoughts colliding and crashing into stone cliffs tearing at my slumber. I drift aimlessly in the wind; rudderless. Searching for the safe haven of arms that will hold me in the dark night and guide me peacefully into shore.

 

©2017 Louise Ann Stowell  All Rights Reserved

Picture courtesy of Pixabay